Category: Love

Everything seems so clear in the dark

When a cold wind blows

and the clouds rush eerie and swift

across the sky.

Singed with moonlight.

There’s a storm coming

*

There’s a strong will to die

a strong will to survive.

My nightmares come to visit creeping through the cracks

of my closed and barred door

Skulking in the blue shadows of my small and lonesome room.

*

There was spring, each touch new

There was summer, each touch warm and comforting

There was autumn, each touch reassuring yet fearful

Then winter, each touch painfully cold

Each touch yearning for warmth.

*

So I closed the door

Barricaded out the cold and held myself for warmth.

I hurt

Therefore I am.

*

Doomed always to be that one guardian angel

To hold and heal that broken-hearted sparrow

To be left holding my own shattered black heart

when the sparrow has flown

Fluttering-spluttering away

from my fearful frame

from my rusty barbed-wire halo

*

And again I dig my fingers into my fleshy chest

Tear out my heart to see if it still beats

to see if it’s still alive

or still.

*

It doesn’t hurt

I have no feeling

It’s not surprising…what I find

Black brittle heart-shaped coal.

It crumbles to bloody mud in my crushing hands

I try to be gentle…

I try…I do

but still it crumbles.

I try to hold it together.

Even a black heart of coal

is better than none at all.

*

I offer the bloody crushed heart

to anyone-everyone

but they turn and flee

in disgust, shame

but mostly fear.

*

Everyone fears what they don’t understand

I am no more human than a beast

They see me as an animal

a fleshy object

and uncomprehension breeds fear

and fear breeds hate

and hate breeds anger

and anger breeds fear

and fear breeds me.

So I became dark, faded and tarnished.

That angel in the shadows

always waiting

always silent

One hand always tentatively outstreached.

Hoping to touch the light

Hoping to open the door

to another spring

Wishing for a loving touch

Praying to a deaf God

for a new heart

for a lost hope

for the one he lost

to cruel fateful circumstance

created by a cruel, spiteful master

a cruel creator.